The last time you worked out, was it to get weaker? It’s a purely rhetorical question, of course, because the point is to get stronger and reduce your vulnerabilities. Struggle is part of the deal, and that means opening yourself up to discomfort. But you’re also supposed to remain attentive to form, pace, and intensity so that you push yourself hard enough without abusing yourself.

“Vulnerability.” It’s a buzzword I’ve always been turned off by. Being in the personal development field, I’ve done much reading about it, but I still haven’t been able to identify who it was that decided to foist the use of this unfortunate word on the rest of us. Its use goes a long way back, and there is no single individual to point the finger at.

You’ve undoubtedly heard supposed thought leaders promoting its virtues. They tell you that vulnerability will help you deal with pain. They say it’s being honest, conveying your needs to others, and being able to admit mistakes. We’re all supposed to be amazed and transformed by the power of being more vulnerable.

On this issue, it strikes me that the thought leaders are not leading. They’re just repeating psychobabble concocted by otherwise bright minds in academia. I read articles and academic papers where the authors flatly state that vulnerability is not weakness, ignoring the fact that it is inherently weak. Instead of offering a more suitable word for your personal growth toolkit, they attempt to reposition vulnerability as the opposite of what it is.

I’m an old-school, provide-and-protect kind of man. I don’t apologize for it, and I assure you, plenty of men like me still exist. The notion of vulnerability as a positive character trait just doesn’t work at a gut level. I always say that the world is unforgiving of a weak and vulnerable man, because that’s the truth. It doesn’t matter whether we like it or not.

But the more I’ve pondered the nuances of the word, the more I believe it doesn’t serve women well either. Setting aside all the academic word salad and examining the actual meanings of the word, I cannot figure out why women should embrace it. I’m a father of three daughters. Aren’t there already enough ways for women to get mistreated without striving to be more vulnerable?

Stay with me, because I am not saying that academia’s intentions behind the use of “vulnerability” are wrong. I assert that the word itself is misconstrued and misused by experts who are influencing others to do the same. If, like me, you feel silly saying something like, “I’m learning to be more vulnerable,” there’s a good reason for that. As far as I can tell, people are the only living things on earth convincing themselves to be more vulnerable. All other life forms know, even if only instinctually, that vulnerability is undesirable and typically fatal. But we humans have latched onto this word and attempted to make it aspirational.

I’ve studied the arguments people make in favor of being vulnerable. It’s striking how they labor to redefine vulnerability in a way that blatantly contradicts what it actually is. The word has become a catch-all slogan, promising boundless benefits for our emotional maturity and health, our sense of belonging, and even our professional success.

We end up with double talk such as, “Vulnerability shows strength.” Weirdly, it is even claimed that vulnerability involves setting boundaries, though boundaries would logically make one less vulnerable. You have to throw first principles thinking out the window to buy into these ideas. And then there are the manufactured associations that make no sense, such as between greater vulnerability and increased gratitude or vulnerability and a sense of adequacy.

Corporate executives, trying to sound enlightened, have adopted such platitudes about the virtues of vulnerability. Meanwhile, the companies they manage spend fortunes trying to reduce vulnerabilities and stay stronger than competitors. Nations, in an effort to do the same, spend even more, lest they be overrun by would-be foreign invaders. How then can the contradictions be so invisible to so many intelligent people?

What’s more, we’ve all witnessed people sharing way too much about their feelings and personal affairs in the name of being vulnerable, only to catch hell for it. This inattentiveness to potentially bad consequences is the biggest thing about the vulnerability craze that puzzles me.

With all that said, this is not merely a rant against vulnerability, because I offer you an alternative word with none of the undesirable baggage. You can let yourself be this instead: ACCESSIBLE.

To understand why these words hit so differently, just examine how they are defined in actual dictionaries.

Vulnerable
1: capable of being physically or emotionally wounded
2: capable of or susceptible to being attacked, damaged, or hurt
3: open to moral attack, criticism, temptation, etc.
4: willing to show emotion or to allow one’s weaknesses to be seen or known

Accessible
1: capable of being reached
2: easy to speak to or deal with
3: capable of being understood or appreciated
4: capable of being influenced

Despite what academia would have you believe, it is clear that weakness is inherent in vulnerability. Go one step further and check the definition of “weak,” and I guarantee you won’t read anything admirable about it. Vulnerability, unfortunately, is a magnet for people who can smell weakness a mile away. Remember that there are manipulative and mean-spirited people out there, and revealing vulnerabilities lets them know which of your buttons to push to gain an advantage.

What makes accessibility a superior word is that there is nothing inherently undesirable about it. You don’t need to step across the boundaries of common sense to embrace it. You understand that there are levels of access, which you can both grant and revoke. Accessibility gives you agency and doesn’t imply that you’re a sitting duck, weak, and unable to defend against bad actors who will mistreat you when given the opportunity.

Accessibility is about being open to growth, but it demands your attentiveness. Whether or not you are manipulated or damaged is not left to the goodwill of others. You can have frank and even critical exchanges with others, but not without boundaries for both you and them. You can be accessible and not feel awkward about it. You can say it and not sound wimpy. Stop letting yourself be vulnerable. From now on, be more accessible.

Sayonara until next time.

*This message has not been authored in whole or in part by any artificial intelligence tools.

Like it or not, there are times when you need to sell yourself, especially when you’re in business or even when you want to attract someone romantically. One of the more insightful books I have read is Pre-suasion by a guy named Robert Chaldini. It’s enlightening for business owners who need to acquire clients as well as anyone who otherwise wants to influence people’s perceptions and decisions.

The main idea is that you can predispose people to be receptive to persuasion by using psychological cues that unconsciously affect what feels most salient and important to them at any given moment. When you do this effectively, they think what you want them to think before you ever ask them to think it. Hence, you “pre-suade” them.

That got me thinking about the ways that keeping a nice physique cues people to think favorably of you. I emphasize that you need to be in visibly great shape because, frankly, human beings love eye candy. If you work out all the time but not intensively enough to have transformed your physique, your appearance alone will not have as much persuasive effect as it would if you were clearly a physical specimen.

It’s smart to be aware of these persuasive powers because, regardless of whether you’re selling anything or trying to influence people’s decisions, life is easier for you when people presume great things about you. So, let’s consider how your best body can set the table for a favorable response from others, even before you’ve ever interacted with them.

1 | Proactivity

No one gets in excellent shape by accident, so when people can see you’re physically fit, it tells them that you’re proactive. This primes them to believe you’re someone who does what needs to be done. Obviously, you don’t want to be seen as a procrastinator, and a nice physique is like a billboard signaling to everyone that you embrace responsibility. This weakens the natural inclination some would have to distrust you.

2 | Discipline

Maintaining an impressive body requires that you train frequently and consistently. Even people with no interest whatsoever in fitness know this, and when they see you, they perceive you to be highly disciplined. This is all the more so because most people struggle with being disciplined, especially when it comes to doing something arduous and non-compulsory. Discipline is a universally respected character trait and, as such, is arguably the most deeply persuasive power on this list. It signals that you’re reliable under challenging conditions and over the long haul. 

3 | Confidence

Having strong muscles, joints, and bones makes it easy to support your own weight. This manifests as good posture, which is underappreciated for its influence on social interactions. I say this because most people don’t work on improving either their static or dynamic posture. A straight back and shoulders. A long stride. A gaze set forward instead of down. These fundamentals of good posture project confidence from a mile away. Picking up on your confident air, others will be more primed to listen and cooperate with you.

4 | Competence

Directly related to no. 3, the fact is that being in good shape does genuinely build your confidence. It is not merely a projection, and a bonus is that people will be more receptive to you because your confidence hints that you’re also competent. They can see that your efforts have achieved an impressive outcome. With no other evidence to the contrary, the impression is that whatever it is that you do, you do it well.

5 | Energy

The energy you invest in training creates even more energy for you because it both increases the number and grows the size of mitochondria, the power plants of most cells in your body. This makes you significantly more energetic than the average Joe and Jane, and energy is magnetic. It draws people to you because it radiates positivity. Donald Trump torpedoed Jeb Bush’s presidential candidacy simply by labeling him “low-energy” in a live debate, but you need not utter a word to effect the opposite impression of yourself. An abundance of energy shines like a beacon to others around you.

This is knowledge you can apply to improve the outcomes of your interactions with people, but there is a caveat. While they’re more likely to presume good things about you because you look great, it’s up to you to demonstrate those finer qualities. Ultimately, the proof is in your behavior, and you must follow through. Here’s a hint: when you’ve already made a favorable impression, much like a top-quality steak about to go on the grill, it’s more important not to mess it up than it is to make it better.

Sayonara until next time.

*This message has not been authored in whole or in part by any artificial intelligence tools.

Have you ever thought about how spotting someone can help you understand relationships better? One of my recent talks on the Bounce Pep Channel was about spotting and networking, so I wanted to write about it in more detail for my readers. By the way, if you’re not subscribed to the Bounce Channel, you’re missing out on valuable insights, so get subscribed and stay inspired.

Spend enough time in the gym, and you’ll see someone spotting another person who’s lifting. You may even have been a spotter for someone before. The two primary reasons for spotting someone are to help them complete their most challenging reps and prevent them from injuring themselves while doing so. Safety is paramount, especially when lifting heavy weights. No one wants to fail the last rep of a bench press, for example, and have all that weight come crashing down onto their chest.

As a spotter, you operate in a spirit of goodwill. You’re there as a helper, and you show care and compassion to the lifter. Care, because you want them to overcome their plateaus and achieve gains. And compassion, because you don’t want them to injure themselves in the process. Your focus is on what the lifter can achieve.

This has two downstream effects. The first is that you establish or strengthen a connection with the person you’re spotting. He or she allows you to connect with them by trusting you. In fact, the spotter’s help and the lifter’s trust are key components of the next effect, which is a sense of community. People in healthy networks, like healthy communities, help and trust each other.

To summarize, we can say that spotting shows caring and compassion, and it builds connection and community. This is the spotter's 4C framework for networking that can help anyone become a person of influence.

Here’s the bottom line if you want to be a better networker: it’s about how you can help. A lot of people hate the idea of networking because they believe it’s contrived, robotic, and transactional, and it is when the person initiating it is not doing it to help someone else. If you approach networking as a mere means to get what you want, you will never be great at it because the other person has no reason to be interested.

Be a helper first, and the other person is more likely to want to help you out in return. When help becomes reciprocal, it establishes and expands networks. So, now that you understand the 4C framework, go out into the world and make it work for you. 

Sayonara until next time.

*This message has not been authored in whole or in part by any artificial intelligence tools.