The last time you worked out, was it to get weaker? It’s a purely rhetorical question, of course, because the point is to get stronger and reduce your vulnerabilities. Struggle is part of the deal, and that means opening yourself up to discomfort. But you’re also supposed to remain attentive to form, pace, and intensity so that you push yourself hard enough without abusing yourself.

“Vulnerability.” It’s a buzzword I’ve always been turned off by. Being in the personal development field, I’ve done much reading about it, but I still haven’t been able to identify who it was that decided to foist the use of this unfortunate word on the rest of us. Its use goes a long way back, and there is no single individual to point the finger at.

You’ve undoubtedly heard supposed thought leaders promoting its virtues. They tell you that vulnerability will help you deal with pain. They say it’s being honest, conveying your needs to others, and being able to admit mistakes. We’re all supposed to be amazed and transformed by the power of being more vulnerable.

On this issue, it strikes me that the thought leaders are not leading. They’re just repeating psychobabble concocted by otherwise bright minds in academia. I read articles and academic papers where the authors flatly state that vulnerability is not weakness, ignoring the fact that it is inherently weak. Instead of offering a more suitable word for your personal growth toolkit, they attempt to reposition vulnerability as the opposite of what it is.

I’m an old-school, provide-and-protect kind of man. I don’t apologize for it, and I assure you, plenty of men like me still exist. The notion of vulnerability as a positive character trait just doesn’t work at a gut level. I always say that the world is unforgiving of a weak and vulnerable man, because that’s the truth. It doesn’t matter whether we like it or not.

But the more I’ve pondered the nuances of the word, the more I believe it doesn’t serve women well either. Setting aside all the academic word salad and examining the actual meanings of the word, I cannot figure out why women should embrace it. I’m a father of three daughters. Aren’t there already enough ways for women to get mistreated without striving to be more vulnerable?

Stay with me, because I am not saying that academia’s intentions behind the use of “vulnerability” are wrong. I assert that the word itself is misconstrued and misused by experts who are influencing others to do the same. If, like me, you feel silly saying something like, “I’m learning to be more vulnerable,” there’s a good reason for that. As far as I can tell, people are the only living things on earth convincing themselves to be more vulnerable. All other life forms know, even if only instinctually, that vulnerability is undesirable and typically fatal. But we humans have latched onto this word and attempted to make it aspirational.

I’ve studied the arguments people make in favor of being vulnerable. It’s striking how they labor to redefine vulnerability in a way that blatantly contradicts what it actually is. The word has become a catch-all slogan, promising boundless benefits for our emotional maturity and health, our sense of belonging, and even our professional success.

We end up with double talk such as, “Vulnerability shows strength.” Weirdly, it is even claimed that vulnerability involves setting boundaries, though boundaries would logically make one less vulnerable. You have to throw first principles thinking out the window to buy into these ideas. And then there are the manufactured associations that make no sense, such as between greater vulnerability and increased gratitude or vulnerability and a sense of adequacy.

Corporate executives, trying to sound enlightened, have adopted such platitudes about the virtues of vulnerability. Meanwhile, the companies they manage spend fortunes trying to reduce vulnerabilities and stay stronger than competitors. Nations, in an effort to do the same, spend even more, lest they be overrun by would-be foreign invaders. How then can the contradictions be so invisible to so many intelligent people?

What’s more, we’ve all witnessed people sharing way too much about their feelings and personal affairs in the name of being vulnerable, only to catch hell for it. This inattentiveness to potentially bad consequences is the biggest thing about the vulnerability craze that puzzles me.

With all that said, this is not merely a rant against vulnerability, because I offer you an alternative word with none of the undesirable baggage. You can let yourself be this instead: ACCESSIBLE.

To understand why these words hit so differently, just examine how they are defined in actual dictionaries.

Vulnerable
1: capable of being physically or emotionally wounded
2: capable of or susceptible to being attacked, damaged, or hurt
3: open to moral attack, criticism, temptation, etc.
4: willing to show emotion or to allow one’s weaknesses to be seen or known

Accessible
1: capable of being reached
2: easy to speak to or deal with
3: capable of being understood or appreciated
4: capable of being influenced

Despite what academia would have you believe, it is clear that weakness is inherent in vulnerability. Go one step further and check the definition of “weak,” and I guarantee you won’t read anything admirable about it. Vulnerability, unfortunately, is a magnet for people who can smell weakness a mile away. Remember that there are manipulative and mean-spirited people out there, and revealing vulnerabilities lets them know which of your buttons to push to gain an advantage.

What makes accessibility a superior word is that there is nothing inherently undesirable about it. You don’t need to step across the boundaries of common sense to embrace it. You understand that there are levels of access, which you can both grant and revoke. Accessibility gives you agency and doesn’t imply that you’re a sitting duck, weak, and unable to defend against bad actors who will mistreat you when given the opportunity.

Accessibility is about being open to growth, but it demands your attentiveness. Whether or not you are manipulated or damaged is not left to the goodwill of others. You can have frank and even critical exchanges with others, but not without boundaries for both you and them. You can be accessible and not feel awkward about it. You can say it and not sound wimpy. Stop letting yourself be vulnerable. From now on, be more accessible.

Sayonara until next time.

*This message has not been authored in whole or in part by any artificial intelligence tools.